Last week, my Top 5 Email crew and I were coming up with a list of the biggest turn-offs a man or woman can commit on the first date. One foul the men kept calling women out on was ordering the most expensive thing on the menu. Apparently, it’s a common occurrence, this ordering of such things as Surf & Turf or Foie Gras. But as I explained, it’s only this way if we make it so. If a man takes a woman to McCormick & Schmick’s on the first date, what is she supposed to order? The chicken salad? The reason no woman orders an item like Surf & Turf with me is because I never take her to a place where Surf & Turf is available. Wendy’s doesn’t serve Surf & Turf.

But I don’t really take a woman out to eat at Wendy’s. Matter of fact, I don’t take a woman out to eat at all on the first date, because if you ask me, making plans to take a woman out to eat on the first date shows a lack of imagination. We have done this thing before, her and I, just with other people, and the only reason we’re doing it with each other is because we’re bound by tradition? Nonsense. The menus, the candlelight, the risk of food poisoning all peppered with superficial conversation; for the first date, I try to avoid it like the plague.

To be honest, there have been times where taking a woman out to eat on the first date was unavoidable. When those rare occasions occur, I keep it simple and when I say simple, I mean affordable. For instance, Thai restaurants are a perfect inexpensive first date meal. The food is good, cheap, and they usually use linen napkins instead of paper ones. Always a nice touch. The other alternative to a nice, inexpensive restaurant is dessert on the first date, which means making plans for no earlier than 9:00 p.m. If the woman hasn’t eaten by then, it’s clear she was depending on me for a free meal. Meanwhile I arrive on a full stomach. At the most, I only pay for her meal and because she can’t seem to eat something as simple as a grilled cheese before 9:00 I know I won’t be seeing her again. To avoid the added costs of drinks, I will show up on the date a little tipsy or even drunk. Once a woman sees I got a head start, she either wants to catch up or suggest we take a rain check. I’m fine with either one.

If I have it my way, I will not take a woman out to eat until date number three. As for date number one, I don’t know what we do. Just don’t show up hungry.